Countdown...

What is that thing going to say tomorrow? Will it say congratulations? Baby born? Will it start counting the days of this baby's life even though it still isn't here? Because that would be totally annoying. Just another 12 hours until I know what it does...

Letting Go

Yesterday wasn't a great day. I was just super emotional and hormonal. I just wanted Jason to be home with me and for this baby to GET OUT!! I skipped church, dreading the comments and questions and looks I would get from everyone. Not the greatest choice, but I really just couldn't shut off the water works so I figured it was best to stay home and nap.

Today I woke up feeling much better after finally making the choice to let go. I'm letting go of all control, and in doing so I feel so much more IN CONTROL! Weird? Yes. But I feel better. I called and cancelled my induction. I am just letting nature do this one. When this baby is ready, he or she will come. Wen my body is ready, it will get things going. I don't need to force things because of Jason's schedule or location or because of how miserable I am physically, or emotionally some days. So I just let go of it all.

Now I feel relaxed. I can stop worrying about what if this and what if that and am I making the right decision??? Because I'm not making any decisions. I'm just letting things happen and hoping for the best. Now, if anything comes up I will know for sure that it wasn't because I tried to rush things or force anything. It was out of my hands. I feel no more guilt.

In the mean time I am still 39 1/2 weeks pregnant. I am still hormonal and crazy and emotional and want to be done being pregnant. I am uncomfortable and am looking forward to sleeping when baby arrives. Yes, sleep. I truly believe I will get more sleep with a newborn than I am each night now. Now I wake up more often than every single hour in pain or having to roll over or to pee or with heartburn. Babies generally sleep at least a couple hours at a time before waking to eat or be changed! I'm looking forward to having my body back, sort of, eventually. I am looking forward to meeting this kid and watching our family dynamic change. I'm just ready. And mostly ready to be done waiting.

Mostly, I'm really ready for everyone to stop asking me stupid questions. I know everyone means well, but anyone who has ever been this pregnant knows how obnoxious it is! SERIOUSLY! I have already promised everyone about a trillion times that will let you all know. I'm not a liar. I really will let everyone know. So please stop asking me.

And now I'm going to go back to patiently waiting. And looking through baby name books. Because I haven't even narrowed names down to a few for each gender. So if you want to talk baby with me, try suggesting baby names! That'll be good fun. :)

One More Week

One week until my due date. Weird feeling. We have been talking about inducing at this point from the beginning, mainly because of Jason's work schedule. But at my appointment yesterday I just couldn't bring myself to commit to it. My goal is a completely natural delivery and inducing is fairly likely to detract from that. So we decided to wait.

I am dilated 3 cm and 75% effaced so we're hoping something happens this weekend. Induction is now scheduled for Tuesday. If I haven't gone into labor on my own they will strip my membranes (that sounds so gross) on Monday morning to see if that starts things, and then if it doesn't we'll go through with the induction Tuesday morning.

At least that's the plan for now. I can always back out. This induction is elective at this point, not medically necessary, and as things get closer I keep wondering why I cared so much to be induced in the first place. Sure I'm anxious to be done with all of the discomforts of pregnancy and all of this waiting and I am SO ready to hold this baby and meet the little guy or girl who has been mangling my insides for the last few weeks. But at the same time, I really want to let things happen on their own time. I'm sure baby will know when it's ready. I trust that. So for now I'm content to keep waiting. Even though I really am miserable. (Have I mentioned that I don't love being pregnant??? Totally worth the baby in the end, but ACK! I hate it!)

Anyway, so we continue to play the waiting game. Here's to hoping we meet our newest family member SOON!!!

Back to whining...

It's not even ten am and I've already received two texts and a phone call asking me if I'm still pregnant. Next person to ask dies. Not even kidding. I will sit on them.

Because seriously!!!!!!!!!!! If I'd had the baby don't you think I'd be excited and make the announcement already?!?!?!?!?!

Really not needing any more pressure. I have no control over when this baby shows up. But no one has ever been pregnant forever, so if the rest of the world could just back off and have a little patience that'd be great.

Thank you.

What?! No whining?!?!?!

Well, we're full term! Yay!! Thirty-seven weeks today. I had an appointment yesterday and they decided to check me. Progress is being made! I'm already dilated 2 1/2 cm and 75% effaced so hopefully this baby is coming sooner rather than later!

I was super excited to find out that any progress was made at all! I've been having miserable contractions for a while now and really though it was doing no good. I almost didn't have them check me simply because I knew I would be disappointed. So finding out that this baby is actually going to show up soon made me a little excited!

Due to Jason's work schedule and my mom and sisters having girls camp we're hoping for a very narrow time frame. Who ever heard of a baby cooperating though, right? So we'll keep our fingers crossed and see how much more progress we've made at our next appointment this week!

We have the house all cleaned and everything as ready as can be at home. We are now spending the weekend with family at a big reunion. It's been super fun so far to watch the kids run around with all of my cousins' kids and to visit with some of my favorite people who I don't get to see very often. And after the fourth we'll head back to my parents' to stay until baby comes.

It feels so good to be away from all the stress and drama back home and just relax with the people who matter most. I keep telling Jason that I just want to stay! I miss my family, especially right now with getting ready for this new baby. So I'm jut going to soak up every minute I can with them.

And now I'm going to curl up in my fancy hotel bed and get a decent night's sleep before spending another day with the bestest family in the whole world!! Hope you're all enjoying your Independence Day weekend as much as we are!!

Pretty sure that all of my posts will be really whiney until this baby is OUT...

So I have 4 weeks until I'm done. Yeah, the countdown says five. But I'll be induced a week early due to baby's size and Jason's work schedule if it hasn't come before then. Which it probably won't.

Anyway, four weeks. Four weeks would normally seem so short, but right now those four weeks are FILLED with way too much to get done and no where near enough time to do it all. And I'm alone. Jason is working for another week and a half or so. And I have bronchitis. And I'm swollen and in pain constantly. My back and feet can hardly take anything. Grocery shopping is a chore. Rolling over is a chore. Cleaning and laundry and cooking...chore. See what I mean? Whine, whine, whine. It's all you're going to hear for the next few weeks.

McKenna, why don't you just ask for help from you amazingly wonderful friends??? Good question! Because my laundry isn't done and I'm sitting around in my underwear. (TMI?) And I'm so freaking picky about how things get done that I honestly believe it would stress me out MORE to have help than to just wait until I'm feeling a little more up to it all. Ridiculous? Yeah. But true.

Getting Ready for Baby

I realized this week how much time I actually have until baby arrives. Both of my babies have been big. Both of my babies have been early. And with Jason's work schedule and location, this baby has an eviction date set for July 16th so that Jason can be sure to have time off and be here for the big debut!

That leaves me with 6 weeks and 2 days. BUT...next weekend we will be out of town for a couple of days. Then Jason leaves for two weeks and I won't have his help getting things ready. Besides that, my little sisters are coming to stay for a week of that time and we'll be too busy playing and having fun to prepare for baby. Then we have about a week and a half of Jason being home before we head to Utah for a family reunion. And at that point I will be staying in Utah until baby comes, just to be safely close to the hospital.

So realistically I have a little less than 3 weeks of time to prepare for this baby. And the rest is taken up with activities, visitors, vacations, etc. THREE WEEKS! That's it!

After realizing that I immediately put together a list of baby-to-do's and a timeline to get everything done. It's going to be busy, but it's doable. So today I pulled out my boxes of baby clothes, ready to sort through and wash everything so it's ready for use when Cletus arrives.

It was so fun to look through what both Payson and Jack had worn as infants! And to remember how TINY they were!! It was SOOOO long ago! But as fun as it was, I was completely disappointed. Both boxes of clothes had several spit up stained outfits that I know I will never put on this new baby. Trash. :(

And the rest...well...the rest is just all old and faded and used. Big surprise, right? No. But I just want to have the new fun clothes for this baby the way I did with my other kids. It's one thing that I'm really looking forward to and is helping me to get emotionally ready for this baby's arrival.

Problem is, we knew with both Payson and Jack what we were having. And I had baby showers with both of them. So we were completely prepared in the clothing and gear department with each of them.

This time, we have our own guesses (Jason votes boy, I vote girl) but we really have no clue! So how do I prepare for baby? I have onesies and things, but I don't want closets full of white and green and yellow. I want fun new colorful summer outfits for this baby. I want this baby to wear things that make me smile. Not faded old hand me downs. :(

Is that shallow of me? Yeah, a little. But with Payson and Jack we took what we were given or what we could afford. We're in a different position now financially. And really, I'm just okay with being a little shallow about what I put on my baby!

So apparently, this baby will live in nothing but diapers and onesies for a little while until I'm feeling up to heading to the store...or until I am awake enough in the hospital to order a whole new wardrobe online. :)