Monday, September 15, 2008

Ah, the ramblings of me.

Usually I think a little ahead of time what I'm planning to post prior to doing so. Tonight, I haven't at all. Totally impromptu. We'll see how this works out.

Random ramble #1) Today, I decided I want some one on one time with my sweet little girl. This desire came after I realized there was nothing in the house that sounded appetizing and it was lunch time. I wanted to go out. I had just put Jack down for a nap. My mom was home and not planning on going anywhere. So I bribed her to listen out for Jack with a promise of bringing her home something delicious to eat. I mentioned Kneaders, Payson wanted Los Hermanos. It was her special date, so we went with Los. She was hilarious the entire time. She talked my ear off and I just smiled and thought about how I'm the luckiest mommy in the world. Then we ran a few errands, grabbed something delicious at Kneaders for my mom, and came home. I have now decided that this will be a monthly tradition (monthly for now; I'm sure as life gets busier, it will have to be less frequent). And as soon as Jack is old enough to really appreciate it, he will be added to the mix. Spending time special time with her was meant to be for her. But it turned out to be a reminder to me of just how grateful I should be that even when she isn't behaving so sweetly I really do have the best three and a half year old out there!

Random ramble #2) Last week I packed up the kids Tuesday afternoon and headed to Wyoming. We drove three hours in the POURING rain. Jack slept for the first half of the trip (then we stopped to eat, which woke him up) and was silent and happy the rest. Payson watched the Wiggles on the portable DVD player the whole time. I think I reached back once to hand Jack his binki. No screaming, whining, grumpy children to be found in that car! Does anyone else find this to be ASTOUNDING?! I mean, my kids are unusually good (at least I think so) but on a three hour car ride?? I was BEYOND amazed! We then spent Tuesday evening, all day Wednesday, and most of Thursday with our WONDERFUL daddy! (He had Wednesday and Thursday off. His schedule is really weird right now, and he wasn't going to be able to come down, so we went to him). We didn't do much. We looked for housing, we saw daddy's work, we rented a movie one night, we ate out a lot. But mostly, we just enjoyed being together as a family! That's something I need to remember never to take advantage of!! When Jason's not around, we're just not whole. For those of you who have asked how I'm doing with him gone, I've generally responded that I'm doing REALLY well. And that has been the truth. Things have gone really smoothly. Then we saw Jason for those two days. I spent most of Thursday crying like a little baby. It was pathetic! Every time I thought to myself, "We have ___ hours left", the floodgates opened. The whole time he's been gone, I have kept myself busy enough that I hadn't even realized how TERRIBLY I missed that man! Leaving felt like someone was tearing my heart out! I hated it. I couldn't see for the first fifteen minutes of our drive home. When I stopped to get gas, I ran in to pre pay and I'm sure the cashier was wondering what was wrong with me. Swollen, red, puffy eyes, smeared mascara. I was such a wreck. I finally called a friend who talked to me for a while and got my mind off of Jason and I was okay for the rest of the drive...mostly. (Thank you, Shauna. You probably saved us from dying in a fiery car crash). But I really do have the most wonderful husband and he is making such a sacrifice right now to provide for our family. Only until November 8th (ish)!! Then things will get back to normal. (That's when we'll be moving). I spent Friday and Saturday in my pajamas ALL DAY moping. It was pretty pathetic. I'm sure everyone was wishing I would get up from my book and take a shower. Sorry. Anyway, I'm good now. Back into busy mode and missing my husband with a reasonable amount of hormones and emotion. :)

Random ramble #3) I finished the afore mentioned book late Saturday night (the one listed on my sidebar). It's definitely a new favorite! I cried like a little tiny baby at the end!! Really, it was pathetic. I was in bed at two a.m. sobbing, hoping my kids wouldn't wake up from my sniffling. SO GOOD!! I recommend it to you all! But now I'm done and I need a new suggestion. I like just about anything. I used to say anything but sci-fi or fantasy stuff. Then I met Harry Potter and Edward Cullen. So I guess from now on I'll have to just say, I'll try anything once!! So please leave your recommendations below!!

And final ramble of the evening) I don't have many enemies (that I'm aware of). Okay, as far as I know I don't have any. But I do recognize that I can be snippy and judgemental and critical of people at times, even if it is only in my head. This is something I've decided to make a serious conscious effort to work on. I was reading about having virtuous thoughts the other day and found so many wonderful scriptures and counsels on the subject. I believe that will make a significant difference. However, I need some help. There is a certain group of people who I have a VERY, VERY difficult time with. I don't think they know how I feel. But I am very aware that I do not love these people. I am extremely critical and judgemental towards them, and if you knew the whole story, I believe it's fairly justified...if not for the fact that it is NOT my place to judge them. And because of my relationship to these people I feel it is absolutely necessary that I learn not only to interact with them civilly, but to actually love them. Not knowing the circumstances, I'm sure this sounds silly and childish. Maybe it is. I don't really know. I'm not entirely objective. But I do know that this will be one of the hardest things I will ever have to do. It will take all of my effort to erase my previous habits and thoughts and learn to actually sincerely LOVE these people the way Christ would. So I'm wondering if any of you out there can relate. Is there anything you can share with me? Any advice? I honestly feel like it would be easier for me to jump out of an airplane or climb a mountain than to do this. So your thoughts are super appreciated!!

Anyway, now that all of my rambling is out of my head and into cyber space, I think I may be able to sleep soundly for the night!! Sweet dreams, fellow bloggers!!

19 comments:

Davis Fam said...

McKenna, I love your blog! I read others blogs more than I post on my own..lol. Anyway thanks for the uplifting thoughts you leave and we really do need to hang out. Lets plan it!!

Erin and Family said...

McKenna, I miss my hubby too. It does feel like a piece is missing! As far as those you have issues with(I'm sure for good reason) nothing is worth holding on to when it comes to feelings of anger, criticism, or passing judgements. We are all culprits. But I know it only hurts me, it never makes me feel good after. Do something nice for them and I promise you'll feel better & your love for them will grow. Unlike this stupid fly that keeps buzzing my head! Ha! Anyways, sorry if I said too much. Let's get together & play soon! Love you guys!

Kristin said...

Fun one on one time is so great! I really hope you are talking about your in laws! Because heaven knows that I would post about mine but... then they would know how I feel about them! For me it is good to know a little bit of the persons background and what has happened in their life to make them so *#&%@ I mean loving! In all reality I think people just have different perspectives on how life is and how events happen which in turn changes how they treat others. I will explain later cuz I don't think that made sense.

Lauren and Tyson Fiala said...

That's a hard one! I agree with the comment left before mine. I always try to figure out why someone is the way they are. It's crazy how often times, there really is a good reason behind their behavior, like different insecurities they may have, depression, etc. Also, I try to never allow myself to ponder on the bad things, because they become worse and worse and I will become angrier and angrier in my head- even if they did something obviously rude to me. Plus, I hate being angry at anyone because it will ruin my day, week, however long I decide to stay angry. And then there is the obvious, try to focus on the good. Everyone has some good in them. I think this is one of the hardest things to do and learn in life, for me anyway...and satan sure works on us to stay angry. Good luck! :)

Annie said...

Book Suggestion:
The Uglies Series
I cant remember the authors name but they are good kind of futuristic.

Sara said...

Book suggestions for your very last random thought:
The PeaceGiver
Tuesdays with Morrie

I read both of these recently and wrote about them on my book blog. drivethrubooks.blogspot.com

Seems like it's all about change from the inside - change we can't do alone - imagine that :)

Jobi Niu said...

McKenna, you're the cutest Mom and could I love your kids more?? NOPE! How sad about Jason, how come I wanted to cry reading this?? ha ha ha i'm a baby. I don't know how you're doing it though. Stay strong girl. CALL ME! LEt's hang out. Bree wanted to get together for lunch with everyone. Shall we?? I miss you.

Kevin Davis said...

Cool blog - just stoppin' by. It's crazy the places the 'Next Blog' link takes you.

Bugs said...

McKenna, I loved the book 'These is my Word,' and I too bawled like a baby. I was pregnant with Caleb when I read it and I don't think pregnant women should read books like that.
Sorry that you are missing your husband, but at least you can reflect on the good man that you have and be grateful that you have one at all. We are so blessed, there are a lot of people out there with no one to love.

Lali Johnson said...

Isn't it so fun to spend one on one time with your kids! I took Aiden to Dairy Queen last summer when I was pregnant with Sadie (I'm really good at keeping it up can you tell) and it was so fun to just get to know him. I totally think you should keep it up. I can't wait to see you in a few weeks!!!!

Jason & Kelli West said...

McKenna I just think you are fantastic, and have a hard time believing that you have to really concentrate to be nice and not judge! I think your a sweetheart...unless of course you just hate my guts...lol...kidding of course! I am sorry you have to be away from your hubby for so long! That would not be fun for me!! As far as books go I have TONS, so if you ever want to borrow any just come on over! :)

ardeedub said...

WOW! You're a professional blogger! I guess I was seeing ours as a way to share pictures and udpates with family and friends not in the area. You're taking it to a whole new level! Anyway, I hope ours isn't disappointing. I see myself posting updates a couple of times a month. You're a great person and obviously have much more to share with the community at large! What a talent!

The Deegans said...

I'm with Kelly, you are fantastic and I have a hard time believing it. But I guess it's true that we all have things that effect the way we feel good and bad. I hope you are doing o.k. One night away from my hubby is awful, I can't imagine how you are feeling!

Steffani said...

McKenna! I am so glad that you said hi on my blog! I'm sorry it took me this long to comment back! You have such a cute family! I made my blog private so if you'd like to view it still send me your email and I'll put you on! palooza84@msn.com

B2 said...

I'm so glad that you guys could go see your hubby/daddy and be reunited as a family again! I can't even imagine not having my husband around... you're awesome for dealing with it so well! Your kids are so adorable. I hope they're doing well (and you too!) Say hi to your mom for me!

SlingShotGirl and Addicted Fisherman said...

Mckenna, I loved that post. Well, not only does it seem like everyone wants new ideas for books(cuz I just posted that exact same thing on mine!), but I am having that exact same problem!!! I couldn't post it on mine though because those people read my blog. If you hear of some great advice from someone that helped you, could you let me know?! I think I know who you're talking about...and I'm having the same problem if you catch my drift.

SlingShotGirl and Addicted Fisherman said...

Oh, and I have my fav books posted on my blog. :D

The Lewis Family said...

Thanks for the comment on your blog :) It was weird, I was so overwhelmed I felt the need to share and have already had one answer from another friend who said it was what they so needed to hear last night, so now know why I got back out of bed to get on the comp :)

The Lewis Family said...

ha, I meant my blog, not your blog :)