Wednesday, July 23, 2008

Will you be my girlfriend? Circle YES or NO

Do you ever feel down for no good reason? Like you just don't want to be a mom today? Or this week? That's how I'm feeling right now.

Now don't get me wrong! I LOVE my kids and wouldn't trade motherhood for anything!! But it's been one of those weeks where the laundry didn't get done, the dishwasher is full and there are dishes piled next to the sink, just about every toy, book, and video is out on the floor, the beds aren't made, I still haven't showered for the day, and I have no motivation to get off my tush and do any of it. And those are just the usual chores that I've fallen behind on. There is plenty extra to be done, and soon. But between lack of sleep and being busy and stressed and stressed and busy I just can't find the energy to do much of anything but just get by.

Disclaimer: Although I have been a ROTTEN house wife this week, I must say that my kids have still been bathed, fed, changed, dressed in clean clothing and pajamas every day and night, etc!! I promise I'm not THAT far-gone. I have not yet succumbed them to my pathetic and slovenly state.

My brain is stuck in that wishful place, just daydreaming. Just wishing that for one day or one weekend I could be Jason's girlfriend again. Not his children's mother or his wife. His girlfriend. I want to be that silly girl who spent two full hours primping, anxious for him to show up just so we could do nothing and be completely happy about it. I want to go back for just a little while to a place where we have no real responsibility. When we could seriously do nothing but talk and laugh and be nervous around each other and I would wonder whether or not he was going to hold my hand or put his arm around me and we just couldn't wipe the smiles off of our faces.

I hope this doesn't sound as if I'm ungrateful for or unhappy with my life, my marriage, or my children. Because that is NOT the case. Not in the slightest. But at least someone else out there has to know what I mean. Don't you just wish you could take a break from your own life every now and then? Please say you have felt the same way and make me feel less guilty for everything I just said!!

P.S. I posted this and walked away from the computer to pick up Jack who had pooped liquid (for the third time) through his diaper and onto my arm. Life has thus reinforced my feelings.

12 comments:

The Lewis Family said...

Seriosuly, liquid poo... nasty!

I hear you. In fact we were swimming in my parents new pool on Friday and Steve and I were totally trying to dunk each other and he would like grab me up and make it so I couldn't move, like wrestle locks, and it was totally like back when we were dating kind of flirty stuff... if that makes sense. So yes, sometimes life gets so heavy and you get so wrapped in it, a little reminder of back when things were carefree is fun... and needed :)

Lali Johnson said...

McKenna, I can totally sympathize. Sometimes I look back before kids and man... wish it could be like that for just a few hours. The other day I was getting all the kids down for a nap and I thought "man, remember those days before naptimes?" Ahh...

Kristin said...

AMEN to that sister! Doesn't like a 3 week long cruise sound great?

Megan said...

I don't have the children, but I too know how you feel. Just with the husband-wife relationship, sometimes going back to the dating when things were new and exciting is a nice thought. But then I think about the comfort I have now with my hubby (and you with your ADORABLE) family and realize that this is where I want to be in life. Granted, I don't have the liquid poo.....=)

Randi said...

i love you! :)

Kathlen said...

Oh My Word, that is exactly how I feel. I was just thinking about that last night!! It is nice to know that I am not the only one who feels that way!!

Tabitha said...

It's the most disgusting blah feeling in the world. I understand completely and you said it perfectly. As I sit at work I think about the pile of dishes in my sink, the dinner that has yet to be made, the diapers that will need to be changed, and the exhaustion that I will feel. It is not ungrateful to feel that way. You know how blessed you are. :) No worries.

Brian and Nicole said...

McKenna- it is so great to hear from you! Thanks for posting a note on my blog, I often am the blog stalker myself. By the way, I'm sure you are a wonderful mom- I get tired of being pregnant, does that count as something since our little man isn't here yet? :) I am so glad that I can see how you are doing now though, you look so great and your kids are darling!

Breeann said...

Amen - I totally get where you are coming from! Can you believe that we used to count the days until we were all grown up and wished for this responsibility?! I too love being a wife and a mom but sometimes wish that I could turn back the hands of time and be young again.

andrew and charonne said...

hey Mckenna, how are you? I dont think I have seen or talked to you since sociology in high school, its nuts how time goes and life just kinda takes off.....it was exciting to see your post on my blog. It will be fun to have another bloggin' buddy

The Lewis Family said...

Jana, from www.babysteals.com ( I talk to her on facebook, though I don't know her ) just told me that Monday's steal of the day will be signing time ( steals of the day are at least 50% off of retail ) There will only be 8 baby signing time videos and then there is 100 each of the signing time volumes 1-3. If you don't already have them and are thinking of getting them, Monday at 9 AM is the time to get them :) She puts one steal a day on her site, and the steal is announced at 9 AM each morning. Just thought I would pass on the info :)
~Clerissa

Jobi Niu said...

Girl.. I SO hear you! What I would give... ahhh what I would give!

or even to be married wiht NO kids like my sister who goes to Englan with her husband, or hikes to th "Y", or goes to "the hot pots" etc.
Don't get me wrong.. I LOVE being a Mother. LOVE LOVE LOVE it.. in fact.. I'm baby hungry. Jayni always tells me how lucky I am to stay home with my kids and "Do whatever the hell I want basically" ha ha ha