Monday, July 18, 2011

Letting Go

Yesterday wasn't a great day. I was just super emotional and hormonal. I just wanted Jason to be home with me and for this baby to GET OUT!! I skipped church, dreading the comments and questions and looks I would get from everyone. Not the greatest choice, but I really just couldn't shut off the water works so I figured it was best to stay home and nap.

Today I woke up feeling much better after finally making the choice to let go. I'm letting go of all control, and in doing so I feel so much more IN CONTROL! Weird? Yes. But I feel better. I called and cancelled my induction. I am just letting nature do this one. When this baby is ready, he or she will come. Wen my body is ready, it will get things going. I don't need to force things because of Jason's schedule or location or because of how miserable I am physically, or emotionally some days. So I just let go of it all.

Now I feel relaxed. I can stop worrying about what if this and what if that and am I making the right decision??? Because I'm not making any decisions. I'm just letting things happen and hoping for the best. Now, if anything comes up I will know for sure that it wasn't because I tried to rush things or force anything. It was out of my hands. I feel no more guilt.

In the mean time I am still 39 1/2 weeks pregnant. I am still hormonal and crazy and emotional and want to be done being pregnant. I am uncomfortable and am looking forward to sleeping when baby arrives. Yes, sleep. I truly believe I will get more sleep with a newborn than I am each night now. Now I wake up more often than every single hour in pain or having to roll over or to pee or with heartburn. Babies generally sleep at least a couple hours at a time before waking to eat or be changed! I'm looking forward to having my body back, sort of, eventually. I am looking forward to meeting this kid and watching our family dynamic change. I'm just ready. And mostly ready to be done waiting.

Mostly, I'm really ready for everyone to stop asking me stupid questions. I know everyone means well, but anyone who has ever been this pregnant knows how obnoxious it is! SERIOUSLY! I have already promised everyone about a trillion times that will let you all know. I'm not a liar. I really will let everyone know. So please stop asking me.

And now I'm going to go back to patiently waiting. And looking through baby name books. Because I haven't even narrowed names down to a few for each gender. So if you want to talk baby with me, try suggesting baby names! That'll be good fun. :)


Brenda said...

This post made me smile. Not because you are miserable, but because I feel your pain. Here are a few name suggestions

One boy name you can use is Dylan. It was our boy name before we found out we were having a girl. :) A girl name we almost used was Lyla. Good luck!

Hilary said...

I hope your little baby decides to come soon and that your wait won't be too miserable! Good luck when the time does come!! I wish I could help you with names, but I'm horrible and can never decide on a name until I see the little munchkin myself. Although, I do think Hilary is a lovely name ;)

Kylee Clark said...

For Girls I love the names

Boys names:

r said...

Ooooh! Names! Here you go...For little men: Luke and Jude were our favs. For the pink ones: Evelyn, Eleanor, Olive, Ivy, Kate, and Hazel and Lucy (of course :) ).

As someone who was once 41 weeks pregnant, I feel your pain. Hoping for a safe and speedy delivery when he/she decides to make his/her debut! Good luck and hang in there :)

"B" said...

Love names ... Boys ... Smith, Bentley and Evan Girls ... Aubrey, Harbor, and Elise .. Good luck! Hopefully the baby makes an appearance SOON