Thursday, March 18, 2010

Here we go...yet again!

Do you ever make the same stupid mistake over and over and over and over and over and over and over again so many times that it makes you want to scream at yourself until your throat is raw and you just can't stand it anymore? No? It's just me then.

Okay, well, that is how I feel about myself lately. You see, I am overweight. (Shocker, right?) I don't like it. It makes me unhappy. And I know exactly how to fix it. So WHY HAVEN'T I?! I'll tell you why. Because my emotions like food. And sometimes, it's just easier to feed them instead of dealing with them.

I was talking to two friends the other day. One is feeling a little like me and the other is an aerobics instructor. She has 5 children. But has delivered 7 full term babies (2 still births). SEVEN pregnancies. And she's itty bitty. I'm completely jealous. Anyway, back to my story. So overweight friend is asking tiny friend about how to lose weight and get back in shape and tiny friend tells us that her mom used to say, "If you want to know how to lose weight, ask a fat person. They KNOW."

I laughed so hard!! It's COMPLETELY TRUE!! I KNOW how to lose weight. I'm REALLY good at it! Ask me what to eat or what workouts to do and I can give you all kinds of useful information!

But I don't just want to know it. I want to BE it. Remember last year when I was doing so awesome and blogging about my progress? I dropped 30 pounds in just over 2 months. I felt AMAZING! And I was beginning to look amazing, too. And then some emotional stuff popped up and I got lazy and gave up. Ugh.

Well, I'm done. I'm tired of feeling like crap. Life is hard enough without not liking your body. I have a friend (Hey Shan!!) who is making choices each day to work hard and is doing awesome. And she has just as much emotional crap to deal with as anyone else. If she can do it, I can, right? And she's not the only one out there motivating me right now. (Hi Shauna!!) :)

But the icing on the cake is Payson. She had a bit of a meltdown a couple of days ago. She cried and cried to me about how we "NEVER eat anything healthy, EVER!!" And asked if we could never go to McDonald's ever again.


So for the last two days we have made a VERY conscious effort to eat better as a family. I'm not dieting. I'm not going vegetarian again. I'm just making good choices. And starting Monday, I'll add workouts back into the mix. (I'm taking baby steps here.)

How do I feel? Deprived? Tired? Unhappy? Absolutely not! I am enjoying the foods I'm eating even MORE than the junk food. I have more energy to get things done throughout the day (although I crash at night, which is actually great because I'm sleeping better). And I am so pleased with myself I could jump up and down and scream!

So I'm going back to posting regularly about my progress. That was a great thing for me. It kept me accountable and having you all to cheer me on was really helpful. So expect an update every Wednesday. :) And since I didn't post two days ago, I'll give you the info now. It's pretty embarrassing for me. But the truth is, the number on the scale isn't any more embarrassing than the size of my body, right? So here it is:

Total weight as of first thing Wednesday morning: 191 pounds
(That would mean that after doing all that work and losing 30 pounds I gained it all back and then some. Ugh.)
Body Mass Index: 30.8
(Normal for me is 18.5-24.9, and I'd like to be on the lower end of that spectrum, ideally.)

Yuck. BUT, the good news is, after only two days I am already down from there. Yay!! Now I just need to keep it up. Make habits. Permanent changes. And YOU all need to remind me of that when I feel like I'm slipping!!

I'm even thinking about signing up for a local 5K the end of May. Something to work towards over the next 2 months.... We'll see!! If it weren't snowing outside right now (dumping, really) I'd be more motivated to do that. Running outside in the sunshine is much more appealing. :)

Anyway, so here I go again. Wish me luck, again. Third time's a charm, right? What about the thirty-third...


Anonymous said...

I think you are trying to lose the weight to fast. Whenever you lose that much weight in a short period of time it ALWAYS comes back! It is good to eat healthy. Stay away from processed foods!(I know its hard)And when you do eat some, just don't over indulge. Listen to the Lord(word of wisdom)he made our body's, he must know whats good for them. Grains, fruits and veggies. Good luck you just got to make up your mind that your going to be happy no matter what!

Tiffany said...

i don't think you are trying to do anything too fast. everyone's body is different, and for most people, when they make serious changes, at first, they drop weight very fast... even though 1-2 lbs per week is a healthy weight loss, it doesn't make it any easier to keep off. if you eat more than you burn off, you'll gain weight, whether you lose 2 or 3 lbs per week. doesn't matter. but i think it's great you are starting over. the key is to make this your last time starting over. and you can do it. and don't beat yourself up if you aren't perfect... allow yourself one treat per week or something so you stay sane. :) and if you eat one day like you shouldn't (it's not bad to allow once per week where you aren't so strict), eat perfectly the next day to make up for it (and eat like that the rest of the week). see, for me, i couldn't do the "eat bad once per week. or eat a treat once per week." then i wanted to eat 4 of the treats that day and it was just so hard for me to do the "sometimes" rule. but find what works for you. good that you are making changes from the last time you tried it. if it didn't work, make a few changes. so way to go! i'm proud of you! and you can ask me for help, cause i used to be fat... but i think you know everything you need to do! good luck and keep in touch!

Kathlen said...

Hey McKenna!! I weight more then you do. Let lose the weight together!! Could you send me some information? Keep at it, your doing great. my email address is Kathlen_Hodgson at yahoo dot com

Tara said...

Life long process....I am with you. With spring and the new baby I am determined to get back on track with my weight loss. You have my support and love.

The Larson Family said...

You are not alone my friend!! I think pretty much every woman has this problem to some extent. Good luck! I'll keep you on track because when you're on track it inspires me to be. Selfish, I know. Plus, I want you to be healthy and happy with yourself :) Anyway, if you need a great, motivating indoor workout try Jillian Michael's 30 day shred. It has three different level workouts and she practically reads your mind and gets you to keep going when you feel like taking a break.
The workouts are each like 25 minutes, start to finish which is nice. It's inexpensive too. Good luck!

Erin and Family said...

i'm right there with you girlie. i can usually stay exercising but not eating healthy so i see no change in numbers on the scale! love you! like you said, you know how to JUST DO IT:)(& me too) love you!

Tiffany said...

ps. (this is my LAST time checking your blog today and doing google reader, i swear)... jillian michaels 30 day shred is pretty good too, but i've found that after doing lindsay brin, they are too easy for me and not long enough. but it would be a good mix in for right now... her workouts are only 20 minutes (actually more like 18)... with the warm up and cool down, it's 30, but i like my cardio/toning to be longer than that.. just a thought. :)

Anonymous said...

Good Luck McKenna!! I wish I had the conviction you do. I learned this week that my BMI is 41.3, major UGH! Not happy about it. Too bad I DO NOT have the guts to do what you are doing. But, I can't wait to hear about your progress! Sending you skinny thoughts :)

Anonymous said...

McKenna - Hi! I'm glad to see what your plan is - you sound a lot more organized than me about this whole weight loss thing. I'm impressed, but I'm always impressed by you, so it's no surprise. I'm glad that I was able to somehow help you get restarted. I think it's great that we can do this together and keep each other on track and motivated. I need to buy a new scale so I can weigh in with you and see what the results of my "hard work" are. :) I'll get one soon - hopefully by Wed and do weigh ins with you! Hugs and love. You're doing awesome! Keep it up!

Shan :)